Bravo was once not saturated by all things Real Housewives. Every day there was a wide variety of programs that did not stem from foolish behavior at the table. We currently have 836 shows from the hit franchise.
Before everyone had a liquor line with their name on it, we had barber shops (I miss that Tabatha Coffey!) to struggling PTA moms, and more. Let’s take a look at a few programs that are gone, but certainly not forgotten. Do they deserve a second chance?
With a vocal fry that only rivals Kimberly Kardashiancelebrity hair guru, Jonathan Antin took her celebrity hairstyle to TV. To extinguish premiered on Bravo in the dark ages of 2004 and it was a complete mess. Jonathan was usually impeccably dressed in the finest boot cut jeans of the early 2000s. His managerial style would require him to have multiple HR appointments and tutoring these days. Fun fact: his brother is Steven Antin from Last American Virgin and her sister is Pussycat Dolls founder Robin Antin. Blow Out focused on Jonathan Salon Beverly Hills and followed Jonathan and his mostly scared crew as he managed numerous employees and opened other locations. He also launched a fairly successful hair care line and promoted it on the show. But Blow Out Jonny blew it when it dissipated Grandpa Andy Cohen. Jonathan fired an employee during production because he didn’t take shit from Jonathan, and Andy disagreed. Andy called him and basically said, “Hey man, we need 2 more episodes of this guy and you gotta let us know” because TV. Needless to say, Jonathan didn’t listen to Big Daddy. The next thing you know, Tabatha Coffey entered the chat and Blow Out left goodbye. People couldn’t stand Jonathan’s tough attitude during those years, but now he would make the perfect cast mate on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. If you were an avid viewer, I hope you have some memories as this show is not currently available to stream.
4. Hollywood Euros
If you watched this show, please raise your hand and let’s be friends. I don’t even know how to properly describe Hollywood Euros, but we had never seen anything like it before. And we certainly haven’t seen anything like it since. In 2014, Bravo blessed us with a cast of people from Europe trying to find success in America. Bleona Qereti is from Albania and is a singer-songwriter, known as “Madonna of Albania”. She had the superior attitude that went with it. Bleona was famous in her home country since childhood, so you can imagine her personality was a bit like taking a ride on the Ramona Coaster. This brings me to fawni, Austrian pop singer and artist prodigy. She was trying to heal a broken heart and recently had a No. 1 hit in Japan. A little like Erika Jayne but succeeded. I mean, how could you not watch this show. Sascha Gerecht was a hot trotting DJ, nightclub owner, and up-and-coming fashion designer. He totally left his wife and two children in Germany so he could succeed in America. Legend has it they are still waiting. There was also a jewelry designer and an actor who only came to America to win an Oscar. Spoiler alert: he didn’t. Euros of Hollywood adheres to the typical Bravo format of profanity, smoking, binge drinking, and trivial brawling. But the 2014 show’s stereotypes of Americans and various European ethnic groups wouldn’t fly in today’s environment. It was a fun ride while it lasted and only had one season. If you’re dying to try it, check out Amazon Prime Video.
3. Donor Mothers
Bravo desensitized us to a lot of things, but you didn’t see anything wrong until you got involved in some PTA/PTO environments. Some of these women are terrifying. In 2015, Donor Mothers presented the president of the PTO Carla Stephens who was “involved” at the top level in the art of fundraising for her children’s school. Located in Locust Grove, Georgia, home to future famous whores, this train wreck captured members of a parent and teacher organization attempting to raise and donate money for the elementary school in their children. Yes, primary school. With episodes titled “There’s No ‘I’ in PTO” and “Parent Teacher (Dis)Organization,” the Mother Funders summary said, “The only way to reach it [Carla’s] the goal is to maintain momentum and get fellow board members to plan, execute and implement extravagant fundraising events that will bring in money – but ruffle a few feathers along the way. So basically humiliating, reprimanding and castigating was the name of the game on this gem. There were coups, revenges and secret meetings. The show caused such an uproar that the featured PTO was “suspended” at the school. As you can assume, Mother Funders only had one season. If you’re feeling froggy, Amazon Prime Video and Apple TV stream the episodes.
2. Artwork: The Next Great Artist
Kidding aside, I wish we could get something like Artwork: The Next Great Artist back on the Bravo program. This show was a 2010 creative competition series aimed at unearthing new talent and shedding light on the hidden workings of the artistic mind. Professional artists joined a panel of experts every week, much like America’s Next Top Model but for art and without Tyra Banks ruin your life. It was a new and different look at the art world for viewers. First, China Chow was on this show. China was the daughter of model Tina Chow and Michael Chow (of Mr. Chow restaurant fame). I was watching China Chow read the paper, so it was exciting for my old ass. Jerry Saltz and Bill Powers also judged. The “competitors” took on different challenges by creating works of art in a variety of different mediums. Old The Real Housewives of New York Star Luann de Lesseps niece Nicole Nadeau (yes, the same niece who Adam Kenworthy dated, escalando!) was on the program, along with brilliant and gifted people. Highly suggest watching it if you want to gorge on something fun. It streams on Amazon Prime Video and Apple TV.
1. Battle of the Networked Reality Stars
Please tell me which member I need to remove to bring this back from 2005 and I will gladly do so. Let me live and reboot with a current set of Bravo stars. Battle of the Networked Reality Stars is exactly what it implies. Reality TV celebrities placed in compromising positions in an attempt to win a contest. Yes please and thank you. Drawing their premise from the hugely popular Network Star Battle of the 1970s and 80s, reality shows from shows like average joe, The single personand Project track, etc. participate in “games”. There were jousting, obstacle courses, dodgeball – pure bliss for the viewer. Could you imagine The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills against Real Housewives of Orange County? Under the bridge against Southern charm?? Bravo Gods, how dare you deprive us of such a nirvana? Again, this gem only had one season and it could all have been a dream since it’s not available to stream.
Many of those shows haven’t returned because what viewers perceived as pearly incidents in the early 2000s are now regular Tuesdays for someone like Lisa Rina. It would be fun to see revamped versions of these old friends.
[Photo Credit: Bravo]